Marriage is a wonderful relationship; some may see it as an institution and maybe so, but it does not have to have a negative meaning attached to it.

Marriage takes work. It took work to get the person you chose to fall in love with, and it continues to take work after the vows to stay in love.

When marriages are based on feelings, the marriage is very difficult to maintain.  Feelings change many times throughout the day which makes a marriage hard to stay strong.

Marriage needs:

1. Committment from both spouses to stay in the marriage. Love is a decision, even when your spouse has lost the spark or is showing a more irritated side than when you were dating. Wake up each morning and ask yourself how you can help your spouse out that day.

2. Deciding to continue to see the reasons why you loved your spouse in the first place. When two people date, they show the best side of each other. They do things for each other without being asked. If there is a trait that is less than loveable, it may be overlooked but in a marriage, that unloveable trait is whats in the forefront!

3. Keep each other as first priority. Your spouse is number one and is the most important person in your life. Yes, if you have kids, they are important to, but remember: Your spouse was there before your kids.

4. Have a date night. Even if you do not have kids, date nights are still great to have.  The date night helps you to stay connected to each other. On the date night, talk only about your relationship. Don’t talk about the kids, bills, worries, or in laws. This is the time to express your love with each other, remembering how it was while you dated, and enjoy each other.

5. Fight Fair. When a person is angry, words come out that are hurtful and nasty and can stay on the mind of the other for a long time. Set aside a time to talk about a particular issue.  Stay focused on that issue. Take a time out (not just for kids) when emotions begin to flare. Come back to the topic when you are more calm. Do not throw out the “D” word (divorce).  It creates more distance than closeness. Do not bring up what he/she did days, weeks, months or years ago. Focus on the issue at hand.

6. Be each others’ cheerleader! Supporting each other’s accomplishments and challenges strengthens the bond between the two of you. No other support from a friend, family or acquaintance will mean as much as the one coming from your spouse.

7. Speak words of encouragement to your spouse. This connects with being the cheerleader but focuses more on the words that are spoken. You can build up or tear down your spouse by the words you say. So, if you want your marriage to be stronger, build up your spouse with positive and encouraging words. Write down the things you love about him/her and share it with them. They will feel more loved and connected with you.

8. Take responsibility for your own actions and feelings.  Blaming your spouse for being late to work is not being responsible. Admit when a mistake has been made, make corrections and change for the better. The more responsibility you accept, the more you accept with your feelings, the stronger the communication you and your spouse can have. You may be a couple, but you are still an individual with the choices and feelings you have and show.

9. Forgiveness. Forgiveness helps the healing process when a person has been hurt. Forgiveness is more than just saying , “I’m sorry”; it is a recognition of the behavior and deciding to not hurt that person again. Forgiveness helps the person who is asking for it. It is upto the spouse to give forgiveness which may take time depending on the the hurt that was caused. When forgiveness is sought out and received, marriages are strengthened.

10. Laugh with each other. Laughter reduces stress, makes people feel good, eases tight situations, increases attraction towards the other and strengthens the marriage bond.

Marriage takes work. Together,  marriage can and will work!