Change can be a lot of different things: fun, excitement, scary, nervous, unforgettable, dreadful and a lot of other adjectives that a person can add.

We are excited, nervous, looking forward to it and doing what we can and need to do to make some other changes in our lives.

That is what seems to happen: when a change occurs, it ripples into making other changes. There is no need to freak out about change because change is always happening. Life is about change. It happens all the time.

How to adjust to change is different for each person. To make healthy adjustments can be done with some of these points:

1. Accept that change will happen. Whether you do the change or it’s done to you, change will happen.

2. Be prepared as much as you can. How? Well, if there are rumors about layoffs, then do what you can to get your finances in order, prepare your resume, begin looking for another job. If you have young children, know that they will grow up and become adults so you can help prepare them for change and help teach them to be responsible young well adjusted adults by leading by example.

3. Realize that change happens to everyone. Change does not just happen to you. It may feel that changes are happening more to you than to others, but it may be about your perception.

4. Stay calm and peaceful. Freaking out about change is not going to necessarily make change easier. It can actually add more change. Things may happen that you least expect them to so a little freak out is okay, but then Read Step 1.

5. Know that you will be okay. With changes happening to everyone, people do adjust or adapt. Of course, there are people who do not adapt well to change but then again, there are changes when a person does not adjust well to change.

I’m looking forward to this change. How I view this change in life is going to be upto me and how I see it, will affect other changes. My personal opinion is that it is better to accept change, be at peace with it and do what you can do with the change. That can make your life a little easier.

Sleep is essential. It optimizes the brain and body for health. It is involved in rejuvenating all the cells in your body, gives brain cells a chance to repair themselves, and activates neuronal connections that might otherwise deteriorate due to inactivity (Amen, 2010).
Teens require a lot of sleep. Early adolescents also require more sleep. For an early adolescent age 5-12 years requires 10-11 hours of sleep. The 13-19 year olds require an average of 9 hours of sleep per night. I do not think a lot of teens are getting that much sleep at all.
Lack of sleep is linked to many different things such as depression, weight gain, ADD, decreased brain functioning and mood changes to name a few.
Sleep deprivation has been linked to mood problems and depression in a number of scientific studies. A study shows that insomnia in adolescents is a significant risk factor for depression later in life.
Sleep deprivation slows reaction times, clouds judgment, affects vision, impairs information processing and increases aggressive behavior. Sleep deprivation can also induce psychosis and paranoia. Studies show that sleep-deprived adolescents are also more likely to drink alcohol, smoke marijuana and use other drugs than those who get enough sleep (Amen, 2010).
Sleeping less makes a person eat more sugary junk foods rather than fruits, vegetables and whole grains. It also makes you eat more calories overall which increases your risk of gaining weight and becoming obese (Amen, 2010).
Sleep deprivation is rampant among teens. Researchers have found that when kids hit their teen years, their sleep cycles change, making them more inclined to go to sleep later and wake up later. That makes it especially tough for teens to be up and alert for those early 7 am start times at some schools. A study from 1997 found that when a high school switched from a 7:15am start time to 8:40am start time, students reported getting more sleep and feeling less tired during the day. They also got higher grades and were less likely to have feelings of depression. A 2009 study found that later school start times increased the number of hours slept during the week and decreased the number of car accidents involving teen drivers in the area by 16.5%! (Amen, 2010).
So with this information, sleep is very important for everyone but especially for teens. With the activities that a teen can or is involved in, regular sleep can be a challenge.
Here are a few ideas that can be done to help establish a healthier sleep routine:

1. Maintain a regular sleep schedule- going to bed and waking up at the same time. This can be difficult if a teen has a job then has to complete homework, but is still workable. A teen may just need to see friends or girl/boyfriend on the weekends!
2. Take computers, video games, cell phones out of the bedroom and have them turned off a few hours before bedtime. Teens may not like this part, but if they can get a healthy sleep routine then MAYBE these can be negotiated back into the room!
3. Eat and maintain healthy eating habits. Avoid caffeinated drinks, sodas or other sugary substances altogether or a few hours prior to bed time.
4. Listen to soothing music. Limp Bisket or Soldier Boy maybe a teen’s favorite but may not help them sleep!
5. Have a sleep journal. This can help a teen monitor his/her own sleep patterns which may help him/her come up with his/her own conclusions about needing more sleep.
6. Reduce stress. Reduce anxiety. Play day in a healthy way. Do what you are supposed to be doing with homework, chores, listening so that parents will have to nag you less!

We all need sleep and can all be affective by the amount of sleep or lack of sleep that we have.

Teens need more and regular sleep so they can function better and healthier. Talk with your teen about how you can help him/her get better regular sleep. Start tonight!

Amen, Daniel. (2010). Change Your Brain, Change Your Body.

Keeping a marriage together through difficult times can be challenging but when a couple knows how to play with each other, that can help reduce stress, keep love alive and continue to demonstrate to their kids and family that they (the couple) can still be friends and lovers through tough times.

1. Write love notes to each other. This can help the love feel alive when things aren’t always going so smoothly with the family. Love notes can remind one another about how special they are, what they like most about each other and can strengthen the bond between the couple.

2. Flirt! Flirting can also be very helpful to keep the fires burning in a marriage. Flirting does not stop after dating but sometimes it dies down because of the kids, jobs, tiredness and other stressors. Flirting reminds the other again of how special they are and can help increase the intimacy between you and your spouse if sex is not happening.

3. Have a pillow fight! This is fun, exciting, and even the kids can get involved. Rules may first need to be established so it can still be playful and when a person says STOP, then that needs to be respected. Pillow fights can release a lot of tension in a fun and light hearted way as well as enhance some “get it on” desires so that more intimacy can happen.

Life is about balance and within the marriage, sometimes that fun and playfulness is lost or hidden from the pressures that the couple feels. Play keeps the couple alive because life is not all about work. Playfulness helps the kids to know that life can still be fun even if there are stressful times.

Enjoy your spouse and have fun!

Divorce does not have to be an overwhelming situation for the family, if healthy steps are taken place.

1. Before a couple divorces, it is important to have some marital counseling or even divorce counseling. Why? Since divorce can bring out the worst in a person because of the hurtful emotions, the counseling can help the couple reduce their emotional reactivity and learn how to express themselves without emotionally hurting themselves and everyone else in their family. The counseling can go on for 6 months or as long as a year. The goal for this type of counseling is to help the couple come up with a plan on how to handle thier family issues as two individuals but also how to be parents while they are living in separate places.

2. Not blaming the other spouse for what happened. “It takes 2 to tango” is a great saying, not for something that is awesome but also for divorce. If a divorce happens because of an affair, there were many steps before the actual affair took place. Counseling can help resolve those hurtful feelings so that each spouse is not going to blame the other person. Blaming does nothing to help the children become strong individuals themselves and blaming adds more stress to everyone than is necessary.

3. Accept responsibility for the changes in marriage and leading to the divorce. As parents, we want our kids to accept responsibility for what they have done in situations like homework or school so it’s important for parents to accept responsibility for how the marriage has changed, for good or for bad. When responsibility is taken, the adults are showing the children that they are mature enough to look at what has happened and can begin to see how positives can come from a divorce.

4. Communicating with your ex is very important, especially with children. When a divorce happens, a person divorces the spouse, not the children. You are still parents to your children and children need both of you, not just one. If communication is difficult, then going to counseling together, post divorce, can be effective to know how to communicate with your ex. It is also important to show the children that you and your ex can get along with each other because the children still need their parents.

5. Do not use your children against the ex. Whatever bad feelings you have toward your ex, DO NOT use your children as go-betweens. This causes more stress on your child(s) and does not help the relationship for you or your ex. When the child/children grow up, they may see that you (if you are the one who is using your child against your ex) are the opposite of what you claim to be. If you tell your child that your ex is a no good person, mean and angry and the child sees your ex as not that person at all, the child can see YOU as a no good person, mean and angry. This also causes a lot of unnecessary stress in the child.

6. Create a family plan. This is a plan that outlines: schedules, time frames for pick up/drop off, rules for each household, what and how you and your ex will agree on, how the children will be involved and how discipline will be followed through. This is very healthy to do because everything is done in writing and everyone can participate in this plan which can also help ease some stress. Even this plan can be amended when you or your ex has a new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Divorce is tough on everyone. You and your ex or soon to be can make it easier or harder on the children when it does not have to be. Keep your negative comments about your ex to yourself. Do your best to be a mature person and if that is difficult for you, then get help for it, so your children do not have to suffer.

When you are saying, “Okay” after telling someone to do something, you are really asking if they want to do it or even permission.

For example, when you tell your child that he/she needs to clean up his/her room and then say, “Okay”, you are wanting their permission that it’s okay for them to clean their room. The answer is generally, “No, I don’t want to” and then an argument starts and the child is hoping that you’ll get tired and then he won’t have to clean his room or that you will do it.

So, it is a difficult thing to do, but if you can change this ONE particular area, that will help you with your relationships.

Practice NOT saying “Okay” after you tell your child to do something and you can use this in other areas in your life. You will be amazed at the changes that omitting this one word has.

So, make sure you do NOT say this word, Okay?

Here are four simple steps:

1. Place one hand on your abdomen right beneath your rib cage.

2. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose into the bottom of your lungs to the lowest point you can reach for 4 slow counts. Your chest should move only slightly, while your stomach area rises and pushes your hand upward like an expanding balloon.

3. When you’ve inhaled fully, pause comfortably (1-3 seconds) and then exhale fully through your mouth (or nose, if you prefer) for 8 regular counts. As you exhale, let yourself go and imagine your entire body going loose and limp. Pause again (1-3 seconds) before continuing.

4. In order to fully relax, take and release ten or so of these breaths. Try to keep your breathing smooth and regular throughout, without gulping in a big breath or exhaling suddenly. You might count each breath as follows:

Slowly inhale for 4 counts- Pause- Exhale for 8 counts-Pause (count 1)
Slowly inhale for 4 counts-Pause-Exhale for 8 counts- Pause (count 2) and so on until you reach 10 series of breaths.

You’ll find that abdominal breathing will help to slow down or eliminate feelings of anxiety or panic. In fact, two or more minutes of abdominal breathing can abort a panic attack if you initiate it before the panic has gained momentum. Abdominal breathing also counteracts hyperventilation symptoms, which can be mistaken for symptoms of panic. In general, abdominal breathing exercises will help change your breathing from a stressful, anxious process into a more relaxed, soothing rhythm. This will help calm you body and provide more oxygen into your system.

This information was adapted from Bourne, 1992. This information is just as good today as it was in 1992.

You can handle your anxieties by paying attention to your breathing!

Nagging, for a teen, is the ultimate turn off. Parents do not see it as nagging because parents have a great way to reframe and rationalize that their nagging is really reminding the teen of what to do. Well, to a teen, the more reminding is nagging. Teens’ faces may go blank, they may appear to be listening but are really not. They are hearing Charlie Brown’s mom’s voice: WAH, WAH, WAH.

Make what you say to your teen short and sweet. Allow them to do what is being asked. Balance.

Insight is helpful but to a teenager it appears as nagging. Not all teens are in tune for insight and for those that do not want anymore insight will be heard as nagging. So, save the insight for the time where you and your teen are just hanging out, where nothing really serious is going on and you guys can just talk. LISTEN to what they are saying. It’s okay to not always give your teen advice. They are able to do things without being told several times.

Nagging, yes, it was briefly addressed but just like a teen, a parent may need to be told to NOT NAG again.

Take time to listen to your teen and demonstrate to them how you would like them to listen. Remember that your teen is capable of getting things done and even though it is not on your schedule, they will get the things done. Balance and negotiate which also helps the communication lines and let your teen express his ideas.

I don’t think you have to wait til you are almost dying to actually live. Life is full of surprises, hurts, pain, love, emotions, trajedy, hilarious moments with friends and family and is better lived to the fullest.

In what areas are you waiting to live life to the fullest? Do you experience joy in your life right now? If not, why not? How can you experience joy? Have you helped someone else experience joy? If not, why not?

Don’t wait til impending death, something worth it comes along, or when you are out of debt, kids grow up, or whatever is holding you back, Live your life to the fullest.

You may not be a billionnaire like Jack’s character in the movie, but Morgan’s character had the love of a family. Jack needed to see that.

I don’t want to give the rest of the movie away, and you don’t have to wait for something to happen to experience life, you can right now.

You can hug your spouse, even if you are irritated at him for not doing his “honey do” list, hug him anyways; you can hug your teen/child or do something nice for them, just because. That will help bring joy in your own life.

Look at the things you can do in your life, in your situation right now. You can make things better, you don’t have to wait to start. It may seem wierd at first, but you will feel a change in your life.

Go ahead, create a list of the things that you’d like to do over the period of your life even helping another person feel good, do it, it will change your life.

Every day we can choose to learn something and use it for a current situation that we may be in. We can also choose to use the wisdom that we learn from others or not.

In The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch, he talks about his life, his childhood dreams, what he’s learned and what he wants to pass onto his children after he dies. It is a great book and there are some things that I would like to share:

1. Dream BIG! When we are young, we dreamt many great things, believed so many things that we could actually become! Some of us did become who we dreamed to be. It seems as we become adults, we dream less, more full of fear and anticipation of the worst, that it does not help us at all. Never stop dreaming!

2. Don’t Complain, Just Work Harder. Randy says: If you took one tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you’d be surprised by how well things can work out. So, starting now, Complain LESS!

3. Treat the Disease, Not the Symptom. This can be self-explanatory, but if it isn’t, then, don’t cover up the real problem with food, extra income or meditating on things and believing that it will work out, do something about it. If you are hurt or angry, deal with the hurt or anger, which is treating the disease. You will feel better!

4. Don’t Obsess over What People Think. It’s not always important about what another person thinks about us, and we don’t need to live how other people think we should live. Be who you are. If there are things that you need to change about yourself, do it. Surround yourself with the help that you may need for that change. You can do it!

5. Look for the Best in Everybody. I really like this one. There is ALWAYS something good that you can find in another person, you may just have to look harder to find it! For example, your teenager may not be the greatest communicator, keeping his room clean, keeping himself clean, but if he is polite, helps others, then look at that! We all want to be seen in a good light, teens especially. When see the best in someone, that can help them rise to a new level. People can surprise us!

6. Be the First Penguin (read the book, this will be more explained). In a sense though, you will fail at things. We can learn in failure on what needs to be done differently next time. If we fail a test, then we will know what we need to study the next time or how to study differently. Don’t get stuck in the failure, Learn from it!

7. Loyalty is a Two-Way Street.

8. Show Gratitude. It’s that simple. Be thankful, show appreciation. It may not always be easy, but when gratitude is shown, it can melt anyone.

9. Tell the Truth. It can be hard to tell the truth, but when the truth is told, you can grow. It does help when the truth is told in a loving way. That can take practice!

10. No Job is Beneath You. I liked this one, not just because of the economic standpoint the U.S. is in, but we can learn from any job. If you have to, take a job that you may not particularly like, you can learn something about yourself when you do. Get good at it.

11. Never Give Up! Things can be very hard to do, and we want things to come very easy for us, but it doesn’t. Keep being persistent, keep working hard. Sometimes, we give up way too soon and we can miss out on so much. Sometimes, when we give up too soon, we may have to start the process over which can be more frustrating because we could be where we want to be in less time. Start something now, keep persisting, and don’t give up. When things get tough, that is when we give up, but don’t. Keep pushing ahead. You will be amazed at your results!

12. Be a Communitarian.

13. All u have to do is Ask! If you aren’t sure of an answer, there is nothing wrong with asking. Who knows what the answer will be!

14.Make a choice: Tigger or Eeyore. Who are you going to be? I would rather be Tigger, “bouncy, flouncy, trouncy, FUN, FUN, FUN!” than Eeyore, “Poor me, nobody loves me”. Each day we get a choice on how we are going to respond to the circumstances around us, to our loved ones and we can make the situation better or worse, just by our attitude. You make the choice!

The book, The Last Lecture is a great book to read. These are some of the points that I really got out of the book. Take the time and read, you never know what you are going to learn.

Protecting a marriage may be difficult if only one person is doing something. Protecting a marriage is much easier when two people are working on the marriage.

Marriage can be related to a garden. In your marriage garden, there are many beautiful things such as fruit trees, flowers, and bushes but those things do not always start out like that, or stay that way.

A strong marriage begins with a solid foundation. The soil for growth must be moist, have nutrients and to be firm. Dating helps lay the foundation for a healthy marriage. Learning to work things out, communicating your thoughts and feelings and having fun with each other helps deepen the soil.

When marriages are built on a rocky soil, more arguements than love, the foundation can crumble at any little thing. With good soil, marriages can grow, even when storms come, marriage will continue to grow.

Marriage needs to be watered daily. To “water” a marriage, both spouses need to add affection, spending time together, support for one another and laughter. These things can also be known as “seeds”.
Planting seeds of tenderness, compassion, good communication and affection will help the marriage grow strong. Learning new things together, appreciate each other’s differences can also help the marriage grow strong. Watering the seeds daily with acts of kindness, love, attention and time will also help the marriage grow.

Gardens have bushes. Bushes provide a barrier around the garden so the garden can be protected from outside circumstances that may harm the garden.

Marriages also need bushes to protect the marriage from outside circumstances.

Bushes can be used to: protect your time with your spouse. When you have a date night with your spouse, making sure that nothing gets in the way of that date night (unless an absolute emergency) is a bush. Another bush is protecting your love for your spouse. Not allowing other people to come between you and your spouse to cause doubt or concern is a bush. Reminding your spouse that he/she is #1 in your life will help strengthen your marriage.

Having a bush around family time will help strengthen your marriage. It will also show your children that family time is important which helps your children feel safe and secure when storms come.

Both spouses must also make sure that no “weeds” come into the marriage. “Weeds” can be: other priorities or commitments that seem more important than the marriage, doubt, fear, resentment, bitterness, lack of time together, other peoples’ problems and laziness.

When “weeds” begin to arise, pluck them out!! Pluck the weed out from the root. If a spouse has caused hurt by forgetting a special day or appointment, it must be communicated and resolved before the “weed” gets bigger and becomes its own flower. You may want to add more water or forgiveness, time together, love and see where or why this “weed” came in, so it does not happen again.

A big “weed” that has blossomed into its own flower could be an affair. An affair is the result of many “weeds” that overcame your marriage garden.

A marriage can overcome an affair but it will take time to get the “weed” out. Allow healing and restoring the garden to where it was before the “weed” will help the marriage grow stronger. Having solutions to clear out all “weeds” and a plan will help future “weeds” from coming in and overtaking the marriage garden. This may take many “gardeners”: counselors, healthy family and friend support and better communication. The marriage can regrow!

Just like cultivating a garden in your backyard to make sure it is beautiful, takes work. So does your marriage.

So remember:
1. Good soil is needed for a healthy marriage
2. Seeds of love, acceptance, time, tenderness, etc is needed.
3. Water daily
4. Plant bushes to protect your marriage garden
5. Attack the weeds as soon as they come
6. Get another “gardener” (counselor) if you need to.

Cultivate your marriage garden daily and it will blossom.