Change can be a lot of different things: fun, excitement, scary, nervous, unforgettable, dreadful and a lot of other adjectives that a person can add.

We are excited, nervous, looking forward to it and doing what we can and need to do to make some other changes in our lives.

That is what seems to happen: when a change occurs, it ripples into making other changes. There is no need to freak out about change because change is always happening. Life is about change. It happens all the time.

How to adjust to change is different for each person. To make healthy adjustments can be done with some of these points:

1. Accept that change will happen. Whether you do the change or it’s done to you, change will happen.

2. Be prepared as much as you can. How? Well, if there are rumors about layoffs, then do what you can to get your finances in order, prepare your resume, begin looking for another job. If you have young children, know that they will grow up and become adults so you can help prepare them for change and help teach them to be responsible young well adjusted adults by leading by example.

3. Realize that change happens to everyone. Change does not just happen to you. It may feel that changes are happening more to you than to others, but it may be about your perception.

4. Stay calm and peaceful. Freaking out about change is not going to necessarily make change easier. It can actually add more change. Things may happen that you least expect them to so a little freak out is okay, but then Read Step 1.

5. Know that you will be okay. With changes happening to everyone, people do adjust or adapt. Of course, there are people who do not adapt well to change but then again, there are changes when a person does not adjust well to change.

I’m looking forward to this change. How I view this change in life is going to be upto me and how I see it, will affect other changes. My personal opinion is that it is better to accept change, be at peace with it and do what you can do with the change. That can make your life a little easier.

Sleep is essential. It optimizes the brain and body for health. It is involved in rejuvenating all the cells in your body, gives brain cells a chance to repair themselves, and activates neuronal connections that might otherwise deteriorate due to inactivity (Amen, 2010).
Teens require a lot of sleep. Early adolescents also require more sleep. For an early adolescent age 5-12 years requires 10-11 hours of sleep. The 13-19 year olds require an average of 9 hours of sleep per night. I do not think a lot of teens are getting that much sleep at all.
Lack of sleep is linked to many different things such as depression, weight gain, ADD, decreased brain functioning and mood changes to name a few.
Sleep deprivation has been linked to mood problems and depression in a number of scientific studies. A study shows that insomnia in adolescents is a significant risk factor for depression later in life.
Sleep deprivation slows reaction times, clouds judgment, affects vision, impairs information processing and increases aggressive behavior. Sleep deprivation can also induce psychosis and paranoia. Studies show that sleep-deprived adolescents are also more likely to drink alcohol, smoke marijuana and use other drugs than those who get enough sleep (Amen, 2010).
Sleeping less makes a person eat more sugary junk foods rather than fruits, vegetables and whole grains. It also makes you eat more calories overall which increases your risk of gaining weight and becoming obese (Amen, 2010).
Sleep deprivation is rampant among teens. Researchers have found that when kids hit their teen years, their sleep cycles change, making them more inclined to go to sleep later and wake up later. That makes it especially tough for teens to be up and alert for those early 7 am start times at some schools. A study from 1997 found that when a high school switched from a 7:15am start time to 8:40am start time, students reported getting more sleep and feeling less tired during the day. They also got higher grades and were less likely to have feelings of depression. A 2009 study found that later school start times increased the number of hours slept during the week and decreased the number of car accidents involving teen drivers in the area by 16.5%! (Amen, 2010).
So with this information, sleep is very important for everyone but especially for teens. With the activities that a teen can or is involved in, regular sleep can be a challenge.
Here are a few ideas that can be done to help establish a healthier sleep routine:

1. Maintain a regular sleep schedule- going to bed and waking up at the same time. This can be difficult if a teen has a job then has to complete homework, but is still workable. A teen may just need to see friends or girl/boyfriend on the weekends!
2. Take computers, video games, cell phones out of the bedroom and have them turned off a few hours before bedtime. Teens may not like this part, but if they can get a healthy sleep routine then MAYBE these can be negotiated back into the room!
3. Eat and maintain healthy eating habits. Avoid caffeinated drinks, sodas or other sugary substances altogether or a few hours prior to bed time.
4. Listen to soothing music. Limp Bisket or Soldier Boy maybe a teen’s favorite but may not help them sleep!
5. Have a sleep journal. This can help a teen monitor his/her own sleep patterns which may help him/her come up with his/her own conclusions about needing more sleep.
6. Reduce stress. Reduce anxiety. Play day in a healthy way. Do what you are supposed to be doing with homework, chores, listening so that parents will have to nag you less!

We all need sleep and can all be affective by the amount of sleep or lack of sleep that we have.

Teens need more and regular sleep so they can function better and healthier. Talk with your teen about how you can help him/her get better regular sleep. Start tonight!

Amen, Daniel. (2010). Change Your Brain, Change Your Body.

Keeping a marriage together through difficult times can be challenging but when a couple knows how to play with each other, that can help reduce stress, keep love alive and continue to demonstrate to their kids and family that they (the couple) can still be friends and lovers through tough times.

1. Write love notes to each other. This can help the love feel alive when things aren’t always going so smoothly with the family. Love notes can remind one another about how special they are, what they like most about each other and can strengthen the bond between the couple.

2. Flirt! Flirting can also be very helpful to keep the fires burning in a marriage. Flirting does not stop after dating but sometimes it dies down because of the kids, jobs, tiredness and other stressors. Flirting reminds the other again of how special they are and can help increase the intimacy between you and your spouse if sex is not happening.

3. Have a pillow fight! This is fun, exciting, and even the kids can get involved. Rules may first need to be established so it can still be playful and when a person says STOP, then that needs to be respected. Pillow fights can release a lot of tension in a fun and light hearted way as well as enhance some “get it on” desires so that more intimacy can happen.

Life is about balance and within the marriage, sometimes that fun and playfulness is lost or hidden from the pressures that the couple feels. Play keeps the couple alive because life is not all about work. Playfulness helps the kids to know that life can still be fun even if there are stressful times.

Enjoy your spouse and have fun!

Divorce does not have to be an overwhelming situation for the family, if healthy steps are taken place.

1. Before a couple divorces, it is important to have some marital counseling or even divorce counseling. Why? Since divorce can bring out the worst in a person because of the hurtful emotions, the counseling can help the couple reduce their emotional reactivity and learn how to express themselves without emotionally hurting themselves and everyone else in their family. The counseling can go on for 6 months or as long as a year. The goal for this type of counseling is to help the couple come up with a plan on how to handle thier family issues as two individuals but also how to be parents while they are living in separate places.

2. Not blaming the other spouse for what happened. “It takes 2 to tango” is a great saying, not for something that is awesome but also for divorce. If a divorce happens because of an affair, there were many steps before the actual affair took place. Counseling can help resolve those hurtful feelings so that each spouse is not going to blame the other person. Blaming does nothing to help the children become strong individuals themselves and blaming adds more stress to everyone than is necessary.

3. Accept responsibility for the changes in marriage and leading to the divorce. As parents, we want our kids to accept responsibility for what they have done in situations like homework or school so it’s important for parents to accept responsibility for how the marriage has changed, for good or for bad. When responsibility is taken, the adults are showing the children that they are mature enough to look at what has happened and can begin to see how positives can come from a divorce.

4. Communicating with your ex is very important, especially with children. When a divorce happens, a person divorces the spouse, not the children. You are still parents to your children and children need both of you, not just one. If communication is difficult, then going to counseling together, post divorce, can be effective to know how to communicate with your ex. It is also important to show the children that you and your ex can get along with each other because the children still need their parents.

5. Do not use your children against the ex. Whatever bad feelings you have toward your ex, DO NOT use your children as go-betweens. This causes more stress on your child(s) and does not help the relationship for you or your ex. When the child/children grow up, they may see that you (if you are the one who is using your child against your ex) are the opposite of what you claim to be. If you tell your child that your ex is a no good person, mean and angry and the child sees your ex as not that person at all, the child can see YOU as a no good person, mean and angry. This also causes a lot of unnecessary stress in the child.

6. Create a family plan. This is a plan that outlines: schedules, time frames for pick up/drop off, rules for each household, what and how you and your ex will agree on, how the children will be involved and how discipline will be followed through. This is very healthy to do because everything is done in writing and everyone can participate in this plan which can also help ease some stress. Even this plan can be amended when you or your ex has a new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Divorce is tough on everyone. You and your ex or soon to be can make it easier or harder on the children when it does not have to be. Keep your negative comments about your ex to yourself. Do your best to be a mature person and if that is difficult for you, then get help for it, so your children do not have to suffer.

When you are saying, “Okay” after telling someone to do something, you are really asking if they want to do it or even permission.

For example, when you tell your child that he/she needs to clean up his/her room and then say, “Okay”, you are wanting their permission that it’s okay for them to clean their room. The answer is generally, “No, I don’t want to” and then an argument starts and the child is hoping that you’ll get tired and then he won’t have to clean his room or that you will do it.

So, it is a difficult thing to do, but if you can change this ONE particular area, that will help you with your relationships.

Practice NOT saying “Okay” after you tell your child to do something and you can use this in other areas in your life. You will be amazed at the changes that omitting this one word has.

So, make sure you do NOT say this word, Okay?

Here are four simple steps:

1. Place one hand on your abdomen right beneath your rib cage.

2. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose into the bottom of your lungs to the lowest point you can reach for 4 slow counts. Your chest should move only slightly, while your stomach area rises and pushes your hand upward like an expanding balloon.

3. When you’ve inhaled fully, pause comfortably (1-3 seconds) and then exhale fully through your mouth (or nose, if you prefer) for 8 regular counts. As you exhale, let yourself go and imagine your entire body going loose and limp. Pause again (1-3 seconds) before continuing.

4. In order to fully relax, take and release ten or so of these breaths. Try to keep your breathing smooth and regular throughout, without gulping in a big breath or exhaling suddenly. You might count each breath as follows:

Slowly inhale for 4 counts- Pause- Exhale for 8 counts-Pause (count 1)
Slowly inhale for 4 counts-Pause-Exhale for 8 counts- Pause (count 2) and so on until you reach 10 series of breaths.

You’ll find that abdominal breathing will help to slow down or eliminate feelings of anxiety or panic. In fact, two or more minutes of abdominal breathing can abort a panic attack if you initiate it before the panic has gained momentum. Abdominal breathing also counteracts hyperventilation symptoms, which can be mistaken for symptoms of panic. In general, abdominal breathing exercises will help change your breathing from a stressful, anxious process into a more relaxed, soothing rhythm. This will help calm you body and provide more oxygen into your system.

This information was adapted from Bourne, 1992. This information is just as good today as it was in 1992.

You can handle your anxieties by paying attention to your breathing!

Every day we can choose to learn something and use it for a current situation that we may be in. We can also choose to use the wisdom that we learn from others or not.

In The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch, he talks about his life, his childhood dreams, what he’s learned and what he wants to pass onto his children after he dies. It is a great book and there are some things that I would like to share:

1. Dream BIG! When we are young, we dreamt many great things, believed so many things that we could actually become! Some of us did become who we dreamed to be. It seems as we become adults, we dream less, more full of fear and anticipation of the worst, that it does not help us at all. Never stop dreaming!

2. Don’t Complain, Just Work Harder. Randy says: If you took one tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you’d be surprised by how well things can work out. So, starting now, Complain LESS!

3. Treat the Disease, Not the Symptom. This can be self-explanatory, but if it isn’t, then, don’t cover up the real problem with food, extra income or meditating on things and believing that it will work out, do something about it. If you are hurt or angry, deal with the hurt or anger, which is treating the disease. You will feel better!

4. Don’t Obsess over What People Think. It’s not always important about what another person thinks about us, and we don’t need to live how other people think we should live. Be who you are. If there are things that you need to change about yourself, do it. Surround yourself with the help that you may need for that change. You can do it!

5. Look for the Best in Everybody. I really like this one. There is ALWAYS something good that you can find in another person, you may just have to look harder to find it! For example, your teenager may not be the greatest communicator, keeping his room clean, keeping himself clean, but if he is polite, helps others, then look at that! We all want to be seen in a good light, teens especially. When see the best in someone, that can help them rise to a new level. People can surprise us!

6. Be the First Penguin (read the book, this will be more explained). In a sense though, you will fail at things. We can learn in failure on what needs to be done differently next time. If we fail a test, then we will know what we need to study the next time or how to study differently. Don’t get stuck in the failure, Learn from it!

7. Loyalty is a Two-Way Street.

8. Show Gratitude. It’s that simple. Be thankful, show appreciation. It may not always be easy, but when gratitude is shown, it can melt anyone.

9. Tell the Truth. It can be hard to tell the truth, but when the truth is told, you can grow. It does help when the truth is told in a loving way. That can take practice!

10. No Job is Beneath You. I liked this one, not just because of the economic standpoint the U.S. is in, but we can learn from any job. If you have to, take a job that you may not particularly like, you can learn something about yourself when you do. Get good at it.

11. Never Give Up! Things can be very hard to do, and we want things to come very easy for us, but it doesn’t. Keep being persistent, keep working hard. Sometimes, we give up way too soon and we can miss out on so much. Sometimes, when we give up too soon, we may have to start the process over which can be more frustrating because we could be where we want to be in less time. Start something now, keep persisting, and don’t give up. When things get tough, that is when we give up, but don’t. Keep pushing ahead. You will be amazed at your results!

12. Be a Communitarian.

13. All u have to do is Ask! If you aren’t sure of an answer, there is nothing wrong with asking. Who knows what the answer will be!

14.Make a choice: Tigger or Eeyore. Who are you going to be? I would rather be Tigger, “bouncy, flouncy, trouncy, FUN, FUN, FUN!” than Eeyore, “Poor me, nobody loves me”. Each day we get a choice on how we are going to respond to the circumstances around us, to our loved ones and we can make the situation better or worse, just by our attitude. You make the choice!

The book, The Last Lecture is a great book to read. These are some of the points that I really got out of the book. Take the time and read, you never know what you are going to learn.

Each individual has their traits, personalities, frustration and limitations that are brought to the marriage. Combining the differences from the wife and husband can create a great marriage or a really difficult one.

Marriage is a partnership. Takes both the husband and wife to create a good marriage.

While dating, each person puts the other before themselves. Communication is open, expressive, a lot of listening happens because each wants to know about the other person.

The man and woman are both held in high regard for each other and the little faults that the person may have is overlooked.

Then comes the wedding and the honeymoon. All is still going strong, Love is in the air!

Things change! What happened??

Well, this is where it seems that all the wonderful things that you saw about your spouse has been put on the backside and the little things that were overlooked while dating are more “important” then the love you may share. The love is still there, but not as focused on as the negatives.

In this stage, couples will either push each other away through hurt, anger, resentment; have an affair to get the “feelings” back; not do anything about the marriage or work through it.

This post will be about what wives do out of their hurt, anger or frustration that may push their husbands away, not closer to them.

1. When complacency in marriage happens, with routines: the wife may end up doing more than her husband. Her reason may be “My husband doesn’t do anything, so I have to!” The wife may do everything, complain about it, but still do everything. The husband may feel hurt and less of a man because he is not part of the partnership; he is not needing to do his share od duties, not being a leader. A man needs to feel respected in himself and in his marriage. When you were dating, he could do no wrong and he did have your respect. Something happened. When men do not have respect or being the leader in the home, he may feel that he is worthless and not wanting to put his heart into the marriage.

2. Nagging. He married you, not your mother or even his own mother!
The more a man is nagged, the less respect he feels, the further away he moves from involviing himself in the marriage. Women may nag because the husband is not doing something that is asked, needs to be done or fear that things will not be done. Nagging will not help your husband feel really attracted to you. You did not nag him when you were dating, so why now?

3. Lack of sex. Men are visual individuals and are stimulated by a woman’s body. I know there are times when you do not want sex and intimacy is what women need, but we are talking about the men here!
I am not saying that when a man does not have sex, he will immediately turn to porn or other women but the lack of sexual connection can push a husband away, create resentment, rejection or also less of a man.

Okay, I have said some difficult things for a woman to accept. I am not saying that it is a woman’s fault for a failed marriage. What I said in the beginning, marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. It takes TWO! This was to point out minimum of 3 aspects that can push a husband away from their spouse and not closer.

If you, the wife, does these things, then do the following:

1. Acknowledge that you do not allow or help your husband do his part in the marriage. Acknowledge that you nag him on doing chores, spend time at home or him not complimenting you. Acknowledge that you may withhold sex when you are angry, hurt or frustrated with your husband or your marriage.

2. Ask your husband for forgiveness. Be sincere. Forgive yourself too!

3. Remember what you loved about your husband while you were dating and remember how you still love him.

4. Accept your differences: in your personalities, desires and needs and how you relate to each other.

5. Plan together how you both are going to help put your marriage back on track. Make a choice to daily work on your marriage.

Marriage is a partnership and takes 2 people!

The parents were not happy with their teen, did not particularly like them, very angry and frustrated with them, wanted to stop being their parents and did not know what to do.

Dr. Phil asked the parents some very important questions: What part is the parents’ responsibility for their child(s) behavior? What are they (parents) telling their kids? What type of words are the parents imprinting on their child (s) mind? These questions may not be verbatum but similar ones were asked.

The parents acknowledged their responsibility with help creating their child (s) behavior but the acknowledgement was not easy!

Dr. Phil pointed out, which I agree, the child (s) don’t just turn out: mean, rude, having tantrums when their way is not done, yelling, wanting everything, not following the rules, running away or eating too much.

I am not saying, nor Dr. Phil is, that the parents are not solely responsible because the child (s) are responsible for their behavior but the parent can help in creating a positive or negative way of relating to one another.

So Parents I ask you:

1. How do you see your child (s)? Do you see them as loveable people that need to be guided in life inspite of their difficult/challenging behaviors at time? Do you see them as mean, rude people that you cannot love at all? Are you “done” being their parent?

How you are reacting to your child (s) behavior can keep your relationship in a negative vicious cycle.

2. How are you contributing to your child(s) behavior?

If you react to the problem then you are contributing to the problem.

3. How would you like to relate to your child(s)?
4. How can you change your reaction to a more positive response?

Teens and parents CAN get along. The relationship can be challenged by: differences of opinions, independence desired from child(s), parent not wanting child to be independent, both wanting to be “right”.

The Parent Boot Camp will be a very difficult and challenging experience for the families participating. I know they will work through the challenges and become a stronger family.

You may not be able to go to a Parent Boot Camp but there are things that you can do so you RESPOND to your child(s) and not react.

1. Set your emotions aside. When two people get emotionally entrenched, no one is listening and problems are not being solved.

2. Talk about the specific issue. Stay focused. When the conversation gets off track, the problem does not get solved but adds more drama.

3. When frustration or anger arises: STOP the conversation; take a break so emotions can be more in control. Return about 10-15min later or when calm. This process may need to be repeated and if it does, that is okay. You are beginning to create change.

4. Listen to each others’ views. Don’t speak over one another. Clarify what was spoken so understanding is completed.

5. Come up with possible solutions to the problem. Parents: You can help your child learn to negotiate so the situation can be a win-win!

There will of course be times when what a parent says goes, and the child(s) will have to accept it. These steps can help both you and your child(s) to have better communication and a better relationship together.

Sexting is sending nude or partial nude pictures through text on phones. Texts can include sexual explicit information, not just pictures.

A statistic that I heard from www.freedombeginshere.org said that 39% of teens between 13-16 years of age receive sexually explicit texts which can be broken down to 1 in 5 girls receive them. Boys can recieve them as well and of course both can send pictures or texts.

It can be frightening to a parent with this information. Technology is a very fast way for teens to get information, talk to friends, receive unwanted pictures and be involved in situations that are way over their head.

What can a parent do?

1. A parent needs to talk to their teen about sexting. I know it may be uncomfortable but as a parent, it is your JOB to talk about things that may feel uncomfortable. It’s very important because teens need to know the truth, not just what their friends may say.

When you talk, ask about their thoughts on sexting; what do they understand and if they are concerned about what can happen. When you hear their opinion on this issue, you will be able to know where their maturity level is and they will be a part of the conversation and not just being told, “No, it’s wrong”.

2. Disable the multi-media ability on your teen’s cell phone. You are paying the bill, you are the parent. It’s okay for you to do this. If your teen is angry about it, that’s okay, he/ she will live!

3. Install software on the computer (not yet available for the cell phone, I think). The software for the computer will show what your teen is looking at. You can check out www.covenanteyes.com for a free trial.

4. When you look at your cell phone bill, you can look at the spikes in the data. The spikes will show you how much your teen is sending and receiving.

5. Talk about the damages that sexting can do: teen could be charged as a sex offender, the pictures could be posted on the computer and may not be able to work at certain companies, could be in trouble with police. Also, talk with them how they feel about the pictures being sent. Are they creating the image they want to be known for?

Communicating with your teen is very important on all topics, not just this one.

Freedom Begins Here and Covenant Eyes are websites regarding pornography and how a person can get help. Sexting may not totally be labeled as porn but it’s not G rated either.

As parents, it’s YOUR job to demonstrate to your teen healthy living; helping them to make wise decisions and giving consequences when necessary.

Having your teen share their ideas about sexting will help them feel a part of a solution, not just another problem to be grounded for.

Two other ideas: Check on your teen and his/her phone calls. Monitor his activity. Set up rules about phone use, what will be the consequences when the rules are broken and for how long.

The other idea is the teen does not have to have a cell phone. If the teen does not have a problem with sexting, then this may not apply to them. If they do, your teen WILL survive without a cell phone. They are resilient. You may be the “worst” parent, but you are doing your job to protect your teen as much as possible.